How often do you blame others instead of adjusting your own s*%t first?

How often do you blame others instead of adjusting your own s*%t first? 150 150 Jane Evans

Do find yourself blaming clients or employees when things go wrong?

Your employee or client doesn’t deliver on a clearly agreed goal, target, outcome or behaviour change. It’s not the first time…Then, to make things worse, you raised it with them and they got defensive. Either in a subtle, or not so subtle way, they put it back on you or someone else. You are beginning to feel frustrated with them. Each time you have contact with them now, either a mini volcano goes off inside you, or you just want it to be over, or you try to dodge them if at all possible.

Why are they so unprofessional?

Why don’t they follow things through?

Why would they clearly agree and promise, and then do the flaming opposite?

Is it me?

You begin to think about them as difficult, a problem client or employee. You find yourself moaning about them in your head and to others. At other times just thinking about them brings on a wave of self-doubt.

Is it me who is failing them?

Maybe I’m just not as good as I like to think I am.

What if they are telling others I’m crap at my role and have let them down?

Why does getting caught in a negative spiral drags everyone under the bus…

Getting trapped in this self-sabotaging cycle can be all too familiar. When all is sailing along well, with just some familiar waves, you feel able to guide them over or through and it’s an experience you enjoy. But, when they start to consistently fail and blame others, including you, it all changes.

Why? In truth it’s because you have internalised a negative belief system and emotional response to difficult ‘others.’ It can feel protective but is ultimately toxic. Most of us slip into pushing blame outwards first, but it does NOT have to be this way.

Be your best self before you blame others…

In reality, if and when YOU become more self-aware, balanced and grounded, you are much less likely to be triggered in a negative way by the challenges others present. You will have greater capacity to think rationally, stay calm, be curious and find a way of bringing them through. You’ll have an attitude and energy that brings out the best in them and preserves a healthy, productive working relationship. They will be more focused, more often and want to do aim higher.

A total win, win as you develop a client or employee who will feel more able to deliver on goals, tasks and behaviours as they don’t get side-tracked by your irritation and frustration with them. Because trust me, they previously sensed it from any and every interaction you had with them! This then sent them into a negative spiral of fight/flight/freeze, even shame, so they reacted accordingly. The best outcome for them, and you, will be when they feel safe enough to ask for help, and then to step into taking responsibility and action.

Explore how you will be more able to keep you on track because I have your back in a Lasting Life Change 30 minute conversation today. 


Jane Evans

Jane is a ‘learn the hard way’ person. She has learnt from her personal experiences and her direct work with people who have often been in really bad places emotionally, relationally, practically and sometimes professionally.

All stories by: Jane Evans

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