How to parent so GCSE Results can offer up a life lesson in leaning in to emotions

• 25 August 2016
• Jane Evans
• no comments

Big Day, Big Emotions

GCSE results day seems much more charged with emotional highs and lows than ever before. It features on the News, the radio and in the papers and leads to debates and comments by EVERYONE! To add to this, it is endlessly played out on social media as well, #gcseresultsday2016.

Years ago the emotions were just as real but it was a more low key affair and often the results came in the post so there wasn’t that sense of exposure by being with everyone else, if things had not gone as expected. Likewise it wasn’t necessarily easy to get together and pick every detail over and begin fretting about the ‘next step’. It was more of a ‘family-based’ affair which may have been easier to contain, depending on the family dynamics.

How then can such a memorable day in the life of a young person be a useful life lesson regardless of the outcome? Especially as GCSE results day seems to ‘demand’ a highly charged emotional outpouring which can lead to young people, and their parents feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

What can be done to help it to look and feel different?

• Prepare yourself to be calm – start your day with a short meditation and some deep breathing. Remind yourself how much you love your child, how far they have come, and how often they have surprised you.
• Ensure you are available to your child – physically and, more importantly, emotionally.
• Make sure you are calm and focused on their feelings in the moment – there is a wonderful clip from the Pixar film, Inside Out which offers the perfect tutorial on what your young person will need when feelings are running high.
• Resist pointing out ‘the positives/the lessons to be learned/the bright-side.’ – You might, or might not be ‘right’ but your child needs you to be more Inside Out than DIY SOS!
• Don’t rush in to fix it, be more observational. – “I am trying to imagine what it feels like to get 2 A*’s but not the B you wanted in maths”, “I might be wrong but you look relieved?” It is fine to be a bit off the mark with your guess but at least you have shown them you want to understand their feelings.
• Be prepared to be brushed aside, snapped at, cried all over, shut out and any variation of these. – Even if it hurts you at the time, this is not about you. Find a partner or friend to off-load your feelings too and be ready to offer your compassion again.
• Be patient – they really do need you to steady them, whether they are on a happy high, crushed by confusion, or drowning in doubt, but first they may turn to their peers.
• Ensure you mark the day by – cooking their favourite meal, being around for a walk with the dog, to watch a movie they like, or for when they come in from sounding off with their friends, exhausted by their emotions, and in need of your stillness and rock solid acceptance.

If you feel that you got it wrong, don’t panic! You can always repair it by being authentic and sharing that with your young person. As adults we know this day will eventually become yet another day in their journey to adulthood. Let their abiding memory be Mum, Dad, my foster carer, Nan, Granddad, or whoever was present in their life, was there for them. 100% emotionally there, so they felt emotionally held through to the other side and beyond. Let that be how they learn to lean in to big feelings and come out unscathed and better prepared for life.

To explore any support you may need around this time and moving forwards:

janeevans61@hotmail.co.uk