Can child contact post domestic violence continue the abuse?

• 27 July 2017
• Jane Evans
• 1 comment

A study shared by Laura Henry (who is hosting the second Early Years Safeguarding Conference) on Facebook about domestic violence and child contact arrangements conducted by Child and Families Court Advisers and Support Service (CAFCASS) and Women’s Aid, reminded me of the terrible experiences many families have because of the continuing lack of understanding of the impact of domestic violence and abuse.

“The research, published jointly by Women’s Aid and Cafcass, found that 62 per cent of applications relating to where a child should live or spend time involved domestic abuse as a risk factor.”

Source: Children & Young People Now, 26 July 2017

Having worked for Survive DV, and throughout my career, with families, mostly women and children impacted by domestic violence. These are key factors I repeatedly witnessed when it came to children having contact with the abusive parent post domestic violence.

The non-abusive parent (in most of my cases they were a mother)

1. Sometimes the mother set up an unofficial contact arrangement as soon as the family entered the refuge
2. Often mothers were being contacted by the abuser and/or their families and friends and alternatively persuaded, bullied or threatened into agreeing to contact
3. Some mothers couldn’t take on board the risks of seeing abusers with the children as they were only just out of the violence and had a false sense of safety, or believed it might stop anything escalating by ‘keeping him happy’
4. Mothers either didn’t know, or couldn’t take on board, that the time period after leaving an abusive relationship is often the most dangerous
5. Many feared that threats to go to court, to get social services to take the children or to find and kill them would be carried out if contact didn’t happen
6. Professionals felt the children should see their other parent as the problems had been between the couple
7. The abuse continued via child contact either at the pick-up and drop off times, and/or via subtle interrogation of the children, confusing messages about the abuser’s sadness and needs, the list goes on….

The court system

1. It was VERY common for previously disinterested and abusive parents to use child contact as a way to continue the abuse
2. The non-abusive parent would have to go to court and often be in the same space as their abuser
3. If the domestic abuse was not reported to the Police then the victim would struggle to prove it in court
4. Victims of domestic violence often show up as disorganised and dysfunctional whereas abusers frequently appear as rational, calm and capable
5. Victims of abuse may previously or currently be on medication for mental illness, be dependent on alcohol or other substances, be deeply traumatised so have poor recollection, difficulty concentrating, tearful, incoherent, irrational, very over or under reactive
6. Many court officials, CAFCASS included, do not fully understand the subtle complexities of domestic abuse and violence
7. Many court officials, CAFCASS included, do not fully understand about trauma – how it presents emotionally, physically and psychologically
8. Many court officials, CAFCASS included, do not fully understand the ways in which children experience and react to domestic violence
9. Sometime courts award supervised contact but this can often quickly, and sometimes dangerously, move to unsupervised

“Some children will have enjoyed a positive relationship with the abuser, while at the same time wanting the abuse to stop.”

Source: Domestic violence and children, Stern and Poole

The children

1. Some children go along with contact because they have a sense that this will keep the abuser happy which they have grown up doing and witnessing
2. Children may feel that it keeps the non-abusive parent safe if they comply and go to contact
3. Children may want to see the abusive parent as there will be aspects of them that they love
4. Children often go to contact every time hoping the their parent will have changed
5. Children need to know the person who is assessing their wants and needs well, to have a relationship of trust before they feel safe to say what they want, this takes time
6. Children need professionals to fully understand all the ways in which trauma appears in their behaviour, physical presentations and emotional responses
7. Children need adults who can read their non-verbal communications accurately and share these in the court setting
8. It’s vital that early years professionals, teachers and any other main adult figures understand that every court hearing the non-abusive parent has, every court related letter, every contact visit will have an impact as the child will be very emotionally aware of it all

Katie Ghose, chief executive of Women’s Aid, said a report the organisation published last year, called 19 Child Homicides, told the stories of children intentionally killed by a parent who was also a known perpetrator of domestic abuse.

“These killings were made possible through unsafe child contact arrangements, formal and informal; and most worryingly, over half of these arrangements were ordered through the courts.”

Source: Children & Young People Now, 26 July 2017

Families going through contested child contact cases following domestic violence and abuse need really robust, compassionate, long-term support. I was involved with families where the cases were ongoing after 3 years with multiple different rulings along the way. This extends the trauma to unimaginable levels.  Getting on with daily life is incredibly hard post domestic violence, child contact arrangements often make it intolerable especially for the children.

“The research also shows the complexity of cases in which allegations of domestic abuse occur. 89% of cases with domestic abuse allegations also involved other safeguarding concerns such as substance abuse or mental health problems.”

Source: Cafcass website

As a professional it may be that you have not been told that the child contact case relates to domestic abuse. It remains for you to be curious about the child’s presentation in your setting and to look for extra ways to offer them comfort and support through the process. Children are more vulnerable when parents are fighting a court case over contact, whatever the circumstances.

Domestic violence a factor in majority of child contact applications, research finds by Nina Jacobs for Children & Young People Now

Advice & Support:

Women’s Aid

Men’s Advice Line