Commonly held parenting beliefs are failing our children
Commonly held parenting beliefs are failing our children https://thejaneevans.com/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Jane Evans https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/1b06bd036211b82cdba19b095bacdad4?s=96&d=mm&r=gThis is a distressing watch so please be aware!!
Thinking about how we raise children is a huge part of my life. I often convince myself that by now most people must be wanting to move away from using shame, humiliation and fear to get children to behave well. After all, we live in a time where the past 25 years of developmental neuroscience has revealed some vital insights into what will offer children the best outcomes in life. Yay!!……Then, whilst searching for ‘how not to..’ parenting videos, I came across this one!
It is such a powerful reminder of what children are often put through in the name of ‘parenting.’ Supernanny orchestrates a 3 hour ordeal for this poor child which focuses on enforcing a very physical and emotionally distressing ‘time out’ process to keep the mother from spanking the child. Instead Supernanny encourages the parent to repeatedly drag and manhandle the child back to be dumped on the floor in a corner as a better alternative.
Just to be clear,neither spanking, or this 3 hour long experience, will in any way be of benefit to this child and both will cause them high levels of anxiety and even trauma. The video posted in 2015 has had 2,846,274 views and 9567 likes which leads me to believe, along with some of the comments on it that this kind of ‘parenting’ is seen by far too many as a great way forward.
We live in a time rich in developmental neuroscience which has not previously existed or been so robustly tested and proven. This shows us the harm shaming and repeatedly punishing a child does. It also shows what children do respond well to, namely:
- calmness
- emotional connection
- compassion
- co-operative learning opportunities
This is the BEST news for children and for those raising them. No need for punishments, consequences or time outs!! Children can be raised using ways which are much better suited to their brain function and development so let’s get on with it and share what we know so it becomes ‘the norm’, whilst shaming and punishing become something we are all shocked and surprised by!
To work with Jane to move from consequence and reward based parenting to connected and compassion focused parenting:
E: janeevans61@hotmail.co.uk
M: 07455281247
3 comments
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Mine Conkbayir
I DETEST these Supernanny type documentaries – had this conversation a few days ago. How utterly humiliating for those poor children. How about identifying the root causes of these parents’ responses instead of shifting the blame for their children’s behavioural responses to these. How dare they subject their children to such pointless cruelty.
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Jane Evans
It’s heartbreaking to watch, knowing this parent was trusting an ‘expert’ to help when she felt she was failing. Tragically millions will have seen this and thought it was a solution! Parents are desperate and stressed, children, are desperate and stressed so we need to keep on doing what we do to offer a healthy, compassionate alternative.
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Zoe Williamson
Hi Jane, I’d be interested to see what your steps would be in this situation? Is there a relevant article which shows how to effectively parent using emotional connection? I am very much into your parenting philosophy. I am also looking into how to work with my kids school into carrying on the ‘connection/compassion’ based parenting.. many kids are brought up with tough love – ie the culture of the parents in the school is pretty hardline. The school also uses a reward system – what do you think of this? My child loves getting rewards.. but it’s not how I parent at home.