Why is tickling a child really about respect and consent?

• 5 November 2017
• Jane Evans
• no comments

Tickling in the House of Commons?

During a discussion in the House of Commons on the rise in the numbers of sexual assaults on children, the MP for Glasgow Central, Alison Thewliss, talked about tickling children in the context of teaching them about consent.

“In thinking about consent, that also starts at a very young age as well – we can think about that with children too.

We can do it with something as simple as tickling. If you’re tickling a child and they say stop, you stop.

That’s teaching consent to very young children – they understand that, they know that.”  Source: The Mirror

Teaching consent is NOT a big deal, is it?

As someone who has worked with hundreds of children and adults who’ve been sexually assaulted and abused, what Alison Thewliss said just made sense. Why wouldn’t you ask a child if they want their body to be touched? Why wouldn’t you stop if they say ‘no’ or ‘stop?’ Consent is consent whatever your age, gender or ability.

If they say no – STOP!

An excellent video that was being shared a while ago makes consent VERY easy to understand by using the idea of saying ‘no thanks’ to the offer of a cup of tea. Tea Consent

If that is too complex to grasp, as seems to be the case for some who’ve sent me vitriolic comments across social media. Here are two easier ones.  Keep your hands to yourself     Consent for kids 

Not EVERYONE agrees!

I was fortunate enough to be invited on to the Jeremy Vine Show on BBC Radio 2 on Friday to discuss tickling children (thanks to a kind recommendation by Bea Marshall). Ironically I was speaking in London that day on how we can all better safeguard young children at Laura Henry’s annual early year’s safeguarding conference.

Jeremy Vine (starts1hr 9 mins) and I discussed how tickling a child linked directly to consent and protecting them. One listener called in to say how ridiculous it all was, another one shared how she’d always taught her four children that their bodies belong to them. Very sadly, a third listener talked about how being tickled had formed part of the childhood sexual abuse she experienced. Jeremy and I also did a Facebook Live which has had over 40,000 views to date and a long list of comments, many of them angry ones.

What remains a very real concern is that so many people felt that teaching children to be able to decide who touches them, when, where and how is ‘political correctness gone mad.’ Also, that soon parents would not be able to touch their children at all because of ‘evil’ people like me.

My body belongs to me

At a time when sexual assaults on children ARE increasing, we must do more to understand simple ways to protect them better. Of course, NO child should in anyway be responsible for ‘stopping’ sexual abuse perpetrated against them. But, they should respectfully be taught from the start that their body is theirs and if anyone makes them feel uncomfortable in ANY way they will be listened to when they say “no” or “stop” and when they tell a trusted adult.

To learn more about teaching body safety early in children’s lives, I can highly recommend the books and work by Jayneen Sanders. She makes it easy for everyone present in the life of a child to act to protect them from a very young age through simple body safety education.

It just takes one person to protect a child

The best outcome for me was on the taxi journey back to Laura’s conference, where I spoke about the vulnerability of children who live with domestic violence. I had a fascinating conversation with the taxi driver. He was curious to find out if a) I was famous b) what I’d been at Radio 2 for.

By the end of our short journey, he told me, “When I go home later I will begin to teach my five year old and my two-year old that their bodies are theirs.” That made me smile and cry at the same time. Hopefully, many others will do the same.